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One with God is a majority.

“The LORD says I have to help you. The LAW says I can’t. What do I do?”

“That’s your question,” I replied.

The year was 1970. The place was Hollywood, California.

I was there at the invitation of a friend who had told me to come out. When I got there he said, “I’m going back tomorrow.”

Not the first time I found myself alone in a new place.

The house I was crashing in was a bordello. As folk singer Judy Henske says in”HOOKA TOOKA” “That’s not an Italian dessert.”

I was asked to become a professional. I had no problem with people who make love a profession but I prefer to remain an amateur.

“Well, you have to help us pay the rent,” I was told.

No argument there.

In answer to an ad I walked about twenty miles the next morning to an address I found was a mission. As I turned to walk away I reflected that I had not eaten the day before and would probably not eat that day.

I decided to go in, fill out their forms and fill myself with coffee and doughnuts.

On the form I wrote that I am Canadian and did not have a work permit. I knew that without one they could not hire me. I did not want to be hired.

When I walked into his office the man in charge said, “You’re Canadian are you not?”

As rudely as I could I said, “Yes.”

He asked, “Do you have a working permit?”

I thought that a stupid question as I had written on the form that I did not. Again, as rudely as possible, I said, “No.”

He said, “Well, what are you doing here? I can’t hire you without one.”

I chose my words carefully. I wanted him to kick my ass out his door.

I replied, “I’m living in a house. It’s time to pay the rent. It’s either peddle my ass or get a job.”

To which he replied, “The LORD says I have to help you. The LAW says I can not. What do I do?”

I answered, “That’s your question.”

He said, “Then I have to hire you.”

In that moment I realized there are two laws. There is the LAW of the land. There is the law of GOD. I realized we can not keep one without breaking the other. I realized that who I would become depended entirely upon which of those two laws I chose to break.

That moment was what is called an epiphany. (    ).

It was the moment when I was born.

Yesterday I watched the new movie “A BOY ERASED.”

It is about a young man who is the son of a Baptist preacher. The young man discovers himself to be marching to the beat of a different drummer, to be walking a path less traveled, to be becoming, what in the eyes of his father, is an abomination of desolation. In plain English of the rudest sort, he is a fag.

The father is played by Russell Crowe. It is an amazing portrait of a man who has never had the spark of an original thought once in his life. His body has gone to fat. So has his head. The father is all too typical of the people who call themselves religious whether they be Roman Catholic, Protestant or Hindu.

In the proverb of THE PRODIGAL SON, the father is the son who stayed home.

He is the man forgiven little who loves little. Again he is common.

Out of his depth the father consults his elders. They tell him to send his son to a conversion therapy program. The mother, wonderfully played by Nicole Kidman, is an airhead who goes along with what has been decided.

Now Nicole Kidman was, for a time, a Scientologist. Scientologist views on abominations of desolation are identical with that of right wing Christianity of which it can be truthfully stated, it is neither right nor Christian.

I have been trusting GOD since 1970. I was trusting GOD before that. I just wasn’t consciously doing it. I had not made a decision.

This may appear strange if you know that I became, like many despite what our governments would have us believe, sexually active with both genders at 6 when a cousin of mine and I stumbled across some older boys naked in the bush doing things I had no idea we could do. When I asked my cousin, who was 5, what they were doing he said, “Fucking.” I said, “What’s that?” He said, “Let me show you.”

Well, the gates of Hell opened up wide that day. I was swallowed whole.

At 14 I chanced upon a newspaper in a drug store with the word “HOMOSEXUALITY” looming out at me from its centerfold. I knew not what the word meant.

After I read the article I became traumatized. I had read that homosexuals were hated by God. I read that anyone who killed a homosexual was doing God a favor.

That’s bullshit but I did not know that then.

I am grateful today for that moment for I know better than most the Hell that Garrard Conley, the author of the book upon which the film is based, passed through.

I have yet to read the book. The movie, however, is a redemptive film and a damned good one.

Garrard Conley was sent  to a gay conversion therapy program called LOVE IN ACTION (LIA). You can read their manual here:    .

I have a lot of respect for Nicole Kidman. I also have a lot of love for her. It ain’t easy being our own person. Clearly, she is.

As a result she is able to bring a depth to the mother that really is wonderful to see. After reading the manual and finding out for herself what a load of BS the program actually is the mother finds it within herself to have a change of heart for the better about her queer son, to encourage him to be his own person as to risk the loss of the man she clearly loves to do so. The meaning of the word “repent” is “to have a change of heart for the better.”

Likewise with Russell Crowe. As the father grows in awareness he finally begins to think for himself.

The word “pray” to most means to make a request to GOD. At its best (and this is not a meaning found in Webster) the word “pray” means “think.”

The most difficult thing in the world for each of us to do is to learn to think for our self.

Throughout A BOY ERASED I never got the feeling that Jared Eamons (the character based on the author Garrard Conley) learned to think for himself.

He is entirely conventional as a young man struggling with his sexuality.  He has never had a eureka moment.  He has never had an epiphany. He is still conventional.

Hexagram 48, THE WELL, of THE I CHING teaches that one of the great dangers is remaining in the conventional:  .

Rebellion is seen by many as a bad thing. Among the conventionally religious rebellion is seen as a sin.

It is not. Rebellion is a sign of two things. The first is intelligence. The second is of having a spine.

Jared Eamons’ first male-male encounter in the film is a rape. The friend he has made at college tries to rape him. Lacking here is any understanding of what drives a man to rape. It’s easy to write the character off. Certainly, as one who has experienced rape I know the temptation to do so.

I was so filled with self loathing and the self hatred that goes with it in my teens that I was a walking train wreck waiting to happen.

In Romans St. Paul writes, “The good that I would do I do not. The evil that I would not do, that I do.”

I know the torment Paul lived through. I also know the name for it. It’s called induction. The best description of it is found in Aldous Huxley’s THE DEVILS OF LOUDON     .

I decided finally that if I was the Devil’s child, to borrow from Ralph Waldo Emerson, I would then live as one from the Devil.

I came to Toronto at 17/18 determined to be everything I believed the world condemned, this time borrowing from Jean Cocteau.

I found myself helping out at a Toronto club called CLUB 511 at 511 Yonge Street. One night when I was running the confection counter (pop and chips) an older man said, “We have to leave now.”

I wondered what made him think I was going anywhere with him. However, I said, “Why?”

He said, “I am a Baptist Minister in Toronto from the Deep South. Tomorrow morning I have to preach a sermon to 800 Baptist ministers.”

I said to myself, “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

One night at CLUB 511 I was approached by two fellows who told me they were having a problem.They had got up to dance leaving their cigarettes and lighters at their table as a sign that while people might sit there while they danced it was to be returned to them. It was a house courtesy. Only problem was the people sitting there would not return the table.

I walked over and explained this to the two huge football player types and their girl friends who were sitting at the table. The biggest of the two said, “I’m not giving up this table to no Goddamned queer.” Now I was the skinny guy in the BEFORE AND AFTER BODYBUILDING ADS.

At that instant the air shimmered. Before my eyes was a vision of a scroll bathed in flames upon which were written words in letters of living fire. As I read the words I thought to myself, “If I say those words I am dead.” My second thought was, “But they are such beautiful words.”

So I said them.

When I had finished speaking the four people before me seemed to have been sucked up by a wind and pulled out of the club.

I have been aware of the presence of God all my life.

In 2013 a young man asked if he could live with me. He said, “Are you married? Do you have kids?’

I replied, “I’m as queer as a three dollar bill.”

He said, “Oh, I realized I was queer when I was 8 in Bombay.”

His name was Aditya Shankar. That year the shit hit the fan between homosexuality an religion in India. Adi was the face of Gay Youth India. He ran his part of the battle from my house in Toronto.

THE GOSPEL OF MATTHEW gives us the words we will hear at The Last Judgement. Here they are:

Matthew 25:31-46 English Standard Version (ESV)

The Final Judgment

31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left.34 Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.35 For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me. 37 Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38 And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39 And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ 40 And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers,[a] you did it to me.’

41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ 44 Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ 45 Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ 46 And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”

Note that there is not one word there about being a homosexual.

Today as the President Of America seeks to build a wall to keep out the homeless, the hungry, the naked, the sick, the “criminals” not one word of protest has been uttered by “Religious Leaders.”

Aditya Shankar, the face of Gay Youth India, is one of the many strangers I have treated as my brother, my sister, my family in God. He lived with me. We are family.

In Toronto I have been told by City Officials I can no longer welcome the stranger into my life as my brother, my sister. I have been told to keep the law of the land.

I intend to for one reason. I do not own this house. I rent it. I don’t believe in owning property.

“Property is theft,” stated Proudhon!     . It is.

It  is not I, however, but my landlord who will pay the penalty. It would be wrong for me to make him do that. I serve notice. The laws of this land go against the laws of poppa.


Unless we change and become like children we can not enter the kingdom of God.

The name “Abba” which was used by Jesus when addressing God is given as father. It is but it is something more than father. It is the child’s name for father. It is daddy, poppa.

The people who insist on calling GOD Jehovah, Yahweh, Father are stern faced folk.

Those of us who know GOD call him poppa.

Poppa does not hate homosexuals. Poppa does not want homosexuals put through conversion therapy programs.

There are people Poppa hates. He hates those who turn their backs on the homeless, the hungry, the sick and the criminals.

Where does Poppa stand? He stands firmly with those with whom he was hung on a cross. Poppa stands with those this world condemns.

I stand with Pop. I stand with the majority.

A BOY ERASED is a fine film. I must read the book. There are many homosexual men and women who are told they are hated by God. They are not. Pop does not care for those who say such things. They are liars.

If you have to lie to belong to your church than your church is not the House of God but the house of the father of lies.

Get your ass out of it.

What does Jesus say? He said, “If you walk with me your father, your mother, your brothers, your sisters, everyone you know will turn against you. If you continue with me you will possess your self.”

Every homosexual person has had to grapple with hate, often from their family. Lie and you will loved. Speak the truth and you will be hated.

What does Jesus say? He says the truth will set us free. Every homosexual person who has had the courage to be truthful of who we are has set themselves free of the enormous weight of the lie.

What does Jesus say? He says, “The road to destruction is broad and many are found on it. The path of life is strait and narrow and few there be that find it.”

Strait is not straight. A strait path is hard, enormously difficult almost impossible and so narrow only one person at a time can walk it.

On the strait path we walk alone.

One person with Dad is a majority.

I am one with Pop.

Hanging here is a full sized authorized replica of THE SHROUD OF TURIN. On it is documented the suffering of Jesus from the sweating of blood in the garden to the plucking of his beard, the bruising of his face, the strokes of the lash, the marks of the thorns, the nails, the spear.

He endured that and triumphed.

I know I can endure the worst this world can throw.

I will triumph.

So can you.

Homosexuals have been told we are great sinners. What does Jesus say? He says Pop loves great sinners because those forgiven little love little but those forgiven much love much.

In 1968 I read in THE I CHING that the best forgive both the conscious and unconscious misdeeds of others against us BEFORE they happen.

I realized that is the right thing to do.

–Reg Hartt, Crazy-Wisdom-Yogin. 1/18/2019.


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