Font Size

Jesse Dumanch with his mother. Dumanch was a porn star. He was not made a porn star by a bunch of “dirty older men.” He was made a porn star by his mother.

A man of genius makes no mistakes; his errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery.–James Joyce.

 

 

When the police were here in May they were looking for a file that had been downloaded to my email address on March 18, 2018.

They were surprised to find I do not live alone. They herded all of us into the screening salon on the first floor. At no time were the police disrespectful. In fact, the reverse. Their behavior was exemplary.

What surprised them was that they got respect back.

I had discovered the story of Jesse Dumanch by chance. In his case it was not an older man or men who had seduced him into pornography. According to what I read it was his mother. That was certainly a shock. He was from all accounts a wounded and troubled man. I had surfed the web for more information on him. I did as I do with all the subjects I am interested in, I used google.

I found a file labelled in his name. I pointed it out to them. The images in that file were no stronger than we find in the publications devoted to artists like Bruce Weber   http://time.com/4496258/bruce-weber-dallas-contemporary-2017/ , Will McBride https://www.widewalls.ch/artist/will-mcbride/   , Ryan McGinley  https://www.gq.com/story/ryan-mcginley-photographer ,  Larry Clark    https://www.mattlumine.com/inside-larry-clark-influence-young-culture/ ,  Annie Leibovitz https://rachelajacob.wordpress.com/2016/03/08/annie-leibovitzs-influences/ , Jessica Yatrofsky https://vimeo.com/11328454 , Bill Mizer  http://bobmizer.org/ , George Platt Lynes https://www.indystar.com/story/entertainment/arts/2018/09/27/george-platt-lynes-once-hidden-male-nude-photos-display-newfields-indianapolis-ima/1290474002/, Javon Moore (who has become a facebook friend) http://trystatemagazine.blogspot.com/2010/09/javon-moore.html?zx=f59f53d365594a10  , Wilhelm Von Gloeden https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wilhelm_von_Gloeden , Mikel Marton  http://mikelmarton.blogspot.com/     and others.

Why be interested in him? I am interested in all who have been wounded. I, myself, at 14 was wounded by a predator. For years until I was 18 I burned in the fires of my own Hell. Then I found a way to use those fires as a potter uses fire to transform mud into beauty.

 

At  one time the work of these artists was viewed as pornographic. During that time these artists lived in peril. Much of their work was destroyed. During that time movies like KING KONG (1932) had scenes removed that were deemed offensive. Luckily for us, an uncensored copy of KING KONG was found and we no longer have to rely on the poor quality bits that were discovered a few years ago.

Pope Boniface VIII  declared, “Sex and the satisfaction of natural drives is as little a sin as handwashing.”

I’m with the Pope. It’s too bad his views did not prevail. We live in a world crucified with the nails of shame.

That shame is something I am all too familiar with. For a long period between 14 and 18 I was tormented by it.

Recently a man who met Pope Francis said to him, “I am so ashamed.”

Pope Francis asked, “Why?”

The man said, “I am a homosexual.”

Pope Francis replied, “But that is the way God made you.”

We live in a time dominated by misinformation.

This statement is not a new one. It has long been the position of The Roman Catholic Church that homosexuality is not a sin.

Sin enters when we lie about who we are.

Once we start to seek information many of us are exhilarated by what we uncover. I uncovered the fact that the word translated as “effeminate” in THE NEW TESTAMENT actually means spineless, the word translated as homosexual actually means “men who have sex with women for money.”

I also learned that the much revered KING JAMES BIBLE is one of the poorest translation of all. Mind you, we can’t beat “In my Father’s house are many mansions.” THE KING JAMES has such moments of soaring beauty (and so many of them) that I can easily forgive its errors.

What I can not forgive and which no one should forgive (certainly GOD will not) are those who use the ideas of THE BIBLE regardless of translation to condemn, slander (the word “blasphemy” means “slander”) and destroy the lives of others.

As it happens the complaint that brought the police to my door stemmed from a man who has been slandering myself and others for almost two decades. I learned this in interrogation at 14 Division.

Before they could interrogate me I talked with a legal person by phone. He told me not to answer their questions and that they lie.

I don’t believe I was lied to. The two officers who spoke with me did the job they were there to do. At no time did I personally feel threatened. The officer in charge was determined to get a confession from me. As there was nothing to confess he didn’t.

Throughout I felt a profound inner calmness.

The words of THE I CHING were prominent in my mind:

51. Chên / The Arousing (Shock, Thunder)

		above  CHêN  THE AROUSING, THUNDER
		below  CHêN  THE AROUSING, THUNDER

The hexagram Chên represents the eldest son, who seizes rule with energy 
and power. A yang line develops below two yin lines and presses upward 
forcibly. This movement is so violent that it arouses terror. It is symbolized 
by thunder, which bursts forth from the earth and by its shock causes fear and 
trembling.

	THE JUDGMENT

	SHOCK brings success.
	Shock comes-oh, oh!
	Laughing words -ha, ha!
	The shock terrifies for a hundred miles,
	And he does not let fall the sacrificial spoon and chalice.
The shock that comes from the manifestation of God within the depths of the 
earth makes man afraid, but this fear of God is good, for joy and merriment 
can follow upon it.
  When a man has learned within his heart what fear and trembling mean, 
he is safeguarded against any terror produced by outside influences. Let the 
thunder roll and spread terror a hundred miles around: he remains so 
composed and reverent in spirit that the sacrificial rite is not interrupted. 
This is the spirit that must animate leaders and rulers of men-a profound 
inner seriousness from which all terrors glance off harmlessly.

THE I CHING has stood me in good stead in the years since I first discovered it in 1968. At that time I read the best serve neither kings nor princes. They serve a higher idea.

I was twenty-four when I read those words the first time. I knew at once they are true. I realized that to accept them meant not to seek conventional employment.

“How are you going to make a living?” I asked myself.

The answer came quietly, “I will find out.”

Two years later when I met the same idea expressed in THE NEW TESTAMENT by Jesus I knew I had made the right decision. That idea bears reflection. That idea always bear reflection.

Matthew 6:25-34 American Standard Version (ASV)

25 Therefore I say unto you, Be not anxious for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than the food, and the body than the raiment? 26 Behold the birds of the heaven, that they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; and your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are not ye of much more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit unto [a]the measure of his life? 28 And why are ye anxious concerning raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: 29 yet I say unto you, that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God doth so clothe the grass of the field, which to-day is, and to-morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? 31 Be not therefore anxious, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? 32 For after all these things do the Gentiles seek; for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. 33 But seek ye first his kingdom, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. 34 Be not therefore anxious for the morrow: for the morrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

“His philosophy as a teacher…? “My programs are designed for people without money.” Yeah, but how does he earn enough to pay the rent? “The Lord said, ‘I will take care of you.’ The I Ching says the same thing.” A long time since I met anyone who throws those bones.”–Joe Fiorito, Toronto Star https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2010/09/15/fiorito_we_gotta_have_hartt.html .

I am living the life I am called to by God, by Jesus, by Allah, by The Buddha, by Krishna, by The I Ching, by all the sources of the best ideas that have given wings to the spirit of humanity.

I am not about to break trust with those ideas now.

St. Paul received the lash five times during his life, the forty minus one.

Jesus received the forty minus one from a Roman flagrum. That had three whips with dumbbell shaped bones or pieces of metal at the end. I see the imprints of those dumbbells on THE SHROUD OF TURIN in my hall every day. Jesus took at one time 11y strokes of the lash. It’s a miracle he made it to the hill of the skull (so named because the skull of Adam was buried there according to Robert Graves–who knew his history).

Regardless of whether we are a Roman Catholic or of any other twig on the tree from Anglican to Luther to Knox to The Jehovah’s Witnesses we are bound by scripture.

What does Scripture say?

It says you shall not condemn.

I find these words of Paul from Romans constantly on Bible tracts:

26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:

27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;

29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,

30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,

31 Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:

32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

What I don’t find are the words that follow those words:

Romans 2 King James Version (KJV)

Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same things.

But we are sure that the judgment of God is according to truth against them which commit such things.

And thinkest thou this, O man, that judgest them which do such things, and doest the same, that thou shalt escape the judgment of God?

Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?

The word repent means “a change of heart for the better.” A true change of heart for the better has not an ounce of the teeth gnashing, wailing and dramatics we see in bad movies and phony religious dramas. A true change of heart is filled full and running over with the joy of discovery. Guilt, self doubt, shame are washed away.

Forbearance and long suffering. For two decades now I have practiced forbearance and long suffering whipped me with the lash of his hatred and not myself alone.

I have also practiced forbearance and long suffering with city and government officials who tell me my work has no value and that I must obey the laws they invent one week and change the next or interpret how they will when it suits them.

Years ago by chance I read a book by Charles Francis Potter titled THE FAITHS MEN LIVE BY. It includes them all from Adventism to Zoroasterianism. Reading it I learned that the deepest meaning of the word “pray” is “think.”

“The problem with prayer is that people don’t think,” said Jean Cocteau.

In THE GOSPEL OF THOMAS Jesus says, “If you fast, you will bring forth sin for yourselves. And if you pray, you will be condemned. And if you give alms, you will do harm to your spirits. And if you go into any land and wander from place to place, (and) if they take you in, (then) eat what they will set before you. Heal the sick among them! For what goes into your mouth will not defile you. Rather, what comes out of your mouth will defile you.”

“If you pray, you will be condemned?” Now that’s different isn’t it.

The moment I read that I knew what it means. Prayer of the type Jesus is talking about here means hesitation. He who hesitates is lost.

Jesus tells us that our Papa knows what we need BEFORE we ask for it.

I thought of that. If Dad knows what I need before I ask for it what need have I to ask for  it?

I am told the man blaspheming myself and others has become a Jehovah’s Witness.   https://www.catholic.com/magazine/print-edition/what-jehovahs-witnesses-believe .

Jehovah’s Witnesses deny the physical resurrection of Jesus  https://carm.org/jehovahs-witnesses-and-resurrection-jesus  . JEHOVAH WITNESSES teach that anyone who does not belong to their club is damned (which means most of us).

Well, THE GOSPELS affirm he did. The Silent Gospel (the Shroud Of Turin) shows he did.

Regardless of what they believe about Jesus, Christianity and other faiths, I am certain they don’t believe in running around the city posting flyers designed to ring violence down upon their subjects.

We are called to forgive. THE I CHING teaches the best forgive the sins of others upon their persons BEFORE they happen.

That forgiveness does nothing for the person we forgive. It does everything for us.

What does it do? It lets us move on with our lives. It keeps us from wasting time with anger and the desire for revenge which is a cancer.

When I was being interrogated the man across from me said, “Have you heard the saying, ‘He who harms one of these little ones…”

I finished, “Better a millstone was tied around his neck and he be cast into the sea.” I continued with Isaiah 1:18, “Though your sins be scarlet they shall be white as snow.”

He said, “I don’t accept that.”

It’s not for either him or  I or anyone else to accept.

It is the truth. It stands a rock whether accepted or not.

There will always be those quick to judge, quick to condemn.

In GOD’S CHILDREN Carl Sandberg wrote, “I hear Billy Sunday/and the Kaiser and the Czar/Talking about God/Like God was a pal of theirs,/Like the rest of us was in the cold outside,/Like they had been drinking beer with God,?Like as though know whether God/Calls for a short beer or a gin fizz/or whether God sleeps in a Y.M.C.A. dormitory/And never goes near a booze bazaar.

When I listen to Billy Sunday/Holler out loud/How God “hates a quitter,”/How God hates a mutt,”/I can’t help it–I feel just like God was some cheap dirty thing born from a fiddler’s bitch and kicked from one back door to another.

I’m with Carl Sandberg.

Emo Philips is one of the comic geniuses of our time. He is also my long time friend. He practically lived at my programs at The Bathurst Street United Church in the 1980s (though we never met then).

We met one day when the city was covered with big posters for a his show in Toronto. I was posting flyers when a voice behind me said, “What are you showing tonight, Reg?”

I wasn’t showing anything. I invited him by the house. Emo sent me a postcard on which he had written, “I honestly believe you are the greatest teacher I know for only you preach the evil of teaching. Well, not only you. David Mamet in his new book TRUE AND FALSE confirms everything you’ve been saying all along.”

I bought a copy of TRUE AND FALSE. I have bought and given away so many copies of TRUE AND FALSE Mamet ought to give me a share of its royalties.

The people you meet in supposed positions of authority will, in the main, be your inferiors. They will lack your imagination, which is why they became bureaucrats…and they will lack your fortitude, having selected institutional support over a life of self-reliance. They spend their lives learning lessons very different from the ones you learn, and many or most of them will envy you and this envy will express itself as contempt. It’s a cheap trick of unhappy people, and if you understand it for what it is, you need not adopt or be overly saddened by their view of you. It is the view of the folk on the verandah talking about the lazy slaves.” —David Mamet, TRUE AND FALSE pg. 110.

TRUE AND FALSE BY David Mamet: “Any system built on belief functions through the operations of guilt and hypocrisy. Such a system, whether of acting training, meditation self improvement etc., functions as a Pseudoreligjon and is predicated on the individual’s knowledge of his or her own worthlessness The system holds itself out as the alleviator, cleanser, and redeemer of the guilty individual

“Now none of us is free of self doubt, and none of us is free of guilt. We all have thoughts, feelings, episodes, and tendencies which we would rather did not exist.

“A guilt-based educational system, which is to say, most acting training, survives through the Support of adherents who were guilty before they signed up. who came to classes and failed (how could they do otherwise, as the training was nonsense), and were then informed that their feelings of shame_which they brought in with them—were due to their failure in class, and could be alleviated if and only if the student worked harder, “believed” more.

Tain’t gonna happen, McGee.

Mamet here explains why I can’t belong to any church. He explains it perfectly.

As I write this morning my cat, Zorro, is beside me. He’s beside me a lot.

I got him after my cat Berlin died. A woman asked me to take him. When he came here he was angry, his fur was matted. He bit, clawed and scratched anyone who came near me.

I took him to a groomer. It was not easy. He was furious all the way. The groomer told me, “I’ve only met one cat I could not groom.” I left him with her.

When I got home the phone rang as I walked into the house. The groomer said, “I have met the second one.”

My hand puffed up from his bite. I had to get medication. He bit me three times. The third time I said to him, “You know, it’s okay.”

He looked at me quizzically. Then he melted with love. From that moment on he has been by my side. No prayers. No exhortations. No exorcisms of demonic  spirits. Love begets love. If you want it give it. If you won’t give it (and you can’t charge for it) you’re not going to get it. Ever.

“Reg, my brother just sent me today’s article from the Star. Should this go to court, I am willing to appear as a character witness for you as our friendship began when I was 15. I have never felt uncomfortable or awkward being around you. You helped me get to where I am and I owe you my life. I love you and always will. Let me know how I can help please.  My brother agrees with me too. These allegations are bullshit.” I got that early Sunday morning. It came from a fellow who had asked, “Can I live with you?”

A lot of young men and women have asked if they could live with me.

City bureaucrats tell me I can’t have more than three tenants here (including myself) as that is all City Zoning  permits. If I have more they will take my landlord to court. I can have guests.

“The people you meet in supposed positions of authority will, in the main, be your inferiors. They will lack your imagination, which is why they became bureaucrats…and they will lack your fortitude, having selected institutional support over a life of self-reliance. –David Mamet.

Self reliance.

Charlie Chaplin grew up a dirt poor slum kid. He thought the doors opened to the children of the rich were closed to him Chaplin wrote in MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY. He continued, “Then I read Emerson’s essay ON SELF RELIANCE. It was as if I was handed a golden birthright.”

This is why our education system cripples us. It teaches us to rely on everything but our self.

Self reliance can not be learned in a classroom. There is and will always be something short of the mark with those who rely on schools. Self reliance is only learned by being self reliant.

“The reliance on Property, including the reliance on governments which protect it, is the want of self-reliance.” Ralph Waldo Emerson writes in ON SELF-RELIANCE, “Insist on yourself; never imitate. Your own gift you can present every moment with the cumulative force of a whole life’s cultivation; but of the adopted talent of another you only have an extemporaneous half possession. That which each can do best, none but his Maker can teach him. No man yet knows what it is, nor can, till that person has exhibited it. Where is the master who could have taught Shakespeare? Where is the master who could have instructed Franklin, or Washington, or Bacon, or Newton? Every great man is unique. The Scipionism of Scipio is precisely that part he could not borrow. Shakespeare will never be made by the study of Shakespeare. Do that which is assigned you, and you cannot hope too much or dare too much…

“Whoso would be a man, must be a nonconformist. He who would gather immortal palms must not be hindered by the name of goodness, but must explore if it be goodness. Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind. Absolve you to yourself, and you shall have the suffrage of the world. I remember an answer which when quite young I was prompted to make to a valued advisor who was wont to importune me with the dear old doctrines of the church. On my saying, ‘What do I have with the sacredness of traditions, if I live wholly from within?’ my friend suggested, ‘–But these impulses may be from below, not from above,’ I replied. ‘They do not seem to me to be such; but if I am the Devil’s child, I will then live as one from the Devil.’ No law can be sacred to me but that of my own nature. Good and bad are but names transferable to that or this; the only right is what is after my constitution; the only wrong what is against it…I am ashamed to think how easily we capitulate to badges and names, to large societies and dead institutions.”

People talk of ISLAM as a faith of submission as if someone Judaism and Christianity are not.

They are. For all three is is, “Let Thy Will Not My Will Be Done.”

There we have it. Thy will be done.

Each Faith has its fakers.

The fakers cry for blood.

A journalist asked Yitzhak Rabin what he thought the greatest threat to peace.

Rabin replied, “Fanatics.”

“Do you mean Islamic fanatics?” asked the journalist.

Rabin replied, “I mean fanatics. Jewish fanatics. Christian fanatics. Islamic fanatics. I mean fanatics.”

Yitzhak Rabin was murdered by a fanatic pretending to be a Jew.

A fanatic is not a true Moslem nor are they a true Christian or Jew.

Fanatics have another father.

That father is the divider, the one who builds walls to keep us divided.

Walls have always been built to keep out the stranger, the poor, the lost.

Walls have been built to house those seen as criminals.

“Christians” who sentence people as criminals forget that Jesus chose to be hung with those they hang.

Fanatics are in the saddle everywhere today.

PRIDE TORONTO has decreed that if members of The Toronto Police Force wish to march in Pride they must do so out of their uniforms.

Are they to march in Pride ashamed of who they are?

In that case Pride has lost its way.

I’m proud of our Toronto Police.

I’m not proud of Pride.

The warrant shown to me stated that on or about the 18th of March 2018 a file containing child pornography was downloaded to me internet address.

I learned in interrogation that file was not found on my computer.

“Do you think anyone else in the house downloaded it,” I was asked.

I replied, “No.”

I do know that on Sunday March 18, 2018 a man who came here for the program asked to use the internet.

He had not been here before. Has not been here since.

I also know that person had no association with the police officers who came here. They were genuinely surprised when they did not find it.

Does it matter who did it?

No.

At the end of THE GOSPEL OF MARK (which is based on the testimony of Peter) we read: When Jesus rose early on the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had driven seven demons. 10 She went and told those who had been with him and who were mourning and weeping. 11 When they heard that Jesus was alive and that she had seen him, they did not believe it.

12 Afterward Jesus appeared in a different form to two of them while they were walking in the country. 13 These returned and reported it to the rest; but they did not believe them either.

14 Later Jesus appeared to the Eleven as they were eating; he rebuked them for their lack of faith and their stubborn refusal to believe those who had seen him after he had risen.

15 He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation. 16 Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. 17 And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; 18 they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”

19 After the Lord Jesus had spoken to them, he was taken up into heaven and he sat at the right hand of God. 20 Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked with them and confirmed his word by the signs that accompanied it.

We are told we shall pick up snakes with our hands and if given a deadly poison it shall not harm us.

I quoted that to Al Aronowitz https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al_Aronowitz in a letter when we first corresponded. He had written saying when the New Messiah comes he will tear up the money.

There is only one Messiah. He has been. He is. He will always be.

To my surprise I got a phone call from Al. He said, “Are you going to drink poison?”

I said, “No. That’s Scripture.”

We are not to test God by holding deadly serpents or drinking poison.

We are to trust God when deadly serpents bite as (as they did Paul) or when the cup that was passed to Socrates is passed to us.

For nineteen years now a deadly serpent has been doing its best to poison me.

I have drunk the cup dry.

People ask, “How can we help?”

I reply, “Have faith.”

People say, “You need a lawyer.”

I reply, “I have one.”

A friend said, “Mary Henein. I know Mary Henein. Get in touch with her.”

I said, “I have a lawyer.”

My lawyer is Mitch Engel.

He’s done right by me.

He says, “You’re going to be okay.”

Can Mary Henein (whom I respect immensely) say more?

Her talents are needed elsewhere.

Conrad Black is one of my heroes.

He falls short in his Christianity when he sues people. I know I fall short in my own Christianity.

Anyone who paid attention (and how many is that) to his trial knew Black was truth on the scaffold.

When he was stripped naked and thrown into prison what did he do?

Conrad Black became a light in the darkness.

That’s my definition of a hero. Not having super powers. Not running around in tights and a cape.  Just using the power we are born with. That power can turn lead into gold.

Should I be cast into prison I pray I serve as well as he did.

We are the slaves of God.

As such we are higher than kings or presidents.

–Reg Hartt 1/29/2018.

“And pray that we may be delivered from wicked and evil people, for not everyone has faith.” 2 Thessalonians 3:2.

With your prayers or without your prayers I will be delivered.

“Hey Reg, sending you my thoughts regarding your beloved Cat. You’re always in my heart. I hope my journey leads me back to my spiritual home, the Cineforum. Know, as I’m sure you do, you are highly regarded the world over,” said a friend from New Zealand just now on facebook.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

« »